the community cosmos

Oops. My blog nearly joins the thousands of neglected blogs out there in the bloggy blogosphere. It was all those photos, and all those changes, and suddenly I am swept up in a whole new life and trying to stay in the present each day.

On the 5th I took a bus from London to Amsterdam, after a night of pure fun in epic proportions with Andy, Caroline and Filza at Black Seeds. (We had a picnic and drinks at the Barbican first off. Twas a sell-out show at Shepherds Bush and they were really high energy, and we danced and drank and danced some more, it was an amazing vibe.)

Late on Saturday night I dragged myself into Amstel station and spent a week with Arjuna in Baarn.
Sitting in silence.
Meditating.
Cooking.
Drinking wine.
Walking around the village talking to strangers, ogling bikes and spending time in conversation with the self-titled (and highly intelligent) town bum Laurence. I spent a day in Amsterdam just walking and absorbing and met Arjuna that night for snacks and drinks in a lovely cafe.

The first weekend we made a spontaneous plan to visit a community called Vlierhof on the German / Dutch border, even though our contact there had recently left and there was no work for us at the time. We arrived Saturday evening and by that night I knew I wanted to stay, it just felt so right and familiar and all the pieces fit at once. Arjuna went back to work on Tuesday, and that same day I started in the garden with Jonatan, my scorpion twin I'm sure I knew from a past life somehow.

It flowed from there, I was found a space working in the garden (perfect!) and I help in the kitchen. I live in the yurt with three other lovely humans and two cats and have been here two weeks already.

It's amazing. Each day is like a week in this intense micro-cosmos we inhabit. We share each meal except for Sundays, and argue and laugh and work and hug and teach each other.

There is kindness here, and out of necessity a lack of ego and aggression. Cooking for everyone is a wonderful feeling, and working to grow food for us all is a blessing. Yesterday I saw a tiny shrew! Snuffling about our feet in the tunnelhouse on his sightless quest for food.

Wednesday is sauna night, it was built along with 'the pride of Vlierhof' - our natural pond and mini-beach on which we light a bonfire, steam ourselves in the sauna and run naked into the pond to come alive again.

Each day brings new challenges and new surprises. Dealing with people with such close contact is like years of learning about yourself condensed down into days. It's crucial to be honest with yourself and with those around you.

I feel open and free and part of a big family. I have been singing and dancing and playing music and expressing as much as possible. Some days I wake up soaring and some with the depression back with no warning.

This is a very serious post. It's been a long week! Time for a photo attempt I think. Today I will also finally add some to my facebook account.

2 more days left in my 20s...

Amsterdam city art!

on the way to the kitchen from the yurt

the fire that keeps us toasty warm :)

bike porn central...

I know I'm just about to head to Holland and will most likely die of happiness... But these sexy machines I've been saving up.

I've now come to the conclusion, after days of geeking out over the amount of old classics on the road (as well as expensive new look-alikes) that half of london must have dredged up their parents' dusty old raleighs from the basement or garden shed. It's epic and adds so much to the general atmosphere!

I. Want. This. Bike.

To me it's a cross between a fun cruiser and someone's battered, stickered-up
guitar case. Beautiful.

I've heard about these but not seen one until now - white tyres! I love it!

Big and little extremes.

music, baking and coffee withdrawal

No posts this week, mostly because I've been doing pretty close to nothing. It's been great. I feel like the last four months have been so dark, changing, crazy - now my brain and body just want to sit and soak in the silence I find here during the days.

My flute taught me an important lesson today (or perhaps an inner guide deserves some credit here)...

I was tooting along learning my notes this afternoon, getting especially stuck on D which constantly and dramatically changes pitch depending on how I am holding the flute and my lips.
As I was becoming frustrated, I suddenly realised that I needed to take joy in the baby steps rather than just focusing on becoming an expert and mastering the instrument at some point in the future. This may sound commonsense to some people but I always seem to forget to have fun along the way.
So I closed my eyes, changed my perspective and could suddenly feel the smooth keys clicking under my fingers, and the vibration that runs through my hands as the notes are played and my breath runs through it. I felt the angle of my head and arms, even the sound in my heart. It changed the entire experience and I felt absorbed in the moment.

It's now been two days without coffee after a sudden decision to quit... and I am one grumpy headachey lass. I've been drinking genmai cha instead - green tea with roasted brown rice. It's not quite the same!

On a food note, this is possibly the best bread recipe I've ever tried - it's so simple yet the fresh yeast turns it into an artisan loaf. I highly recommend giving it a go! For full effect, after rising and knocking back, roll out the dough and then fold it over itself in thirds. press down each end and fold it under. Then wipe with salt water and sprinkle with flour.

And lastly, here's an obligatory London photo... More bike porn to follow.

on being a lady of leisure

i just liked this. it's so andy. (it's in our bathroom.)

a few completely non-soap-related ponderings about things I've learned, which you may not have time to listen to... but I have the leisure of time to write, and I intend to make the most of it my dears.

first of all, that it really is okay to allow yourself pure laziness now and then... so long as you're truly enjoying the experience of it, not inconveniencing anyone else, and most importantly refraining from beating yourself up with 'shoulds' for not being out there doing Important Stuff - I guarantee it won't last forever.

likewise, it's okay if 'in your own time' is a pretty damn slow time. being gentle on yourself gives you the space to take the steps necessary to grow, without remembering it as a negative and stressful experience.

third, bicycles are truly wondrous and beautiful things that make the streets look graceful and safer than they ultimately are. with the bonus of guaranteed exercise. if you live in a flat city - get on one now! it's the closest we get to flying on a daily basis.

and preferably, or if you can at all help it, never take the advice of a girl who's had a rather large bottle of banana-bread beer on a sunny day at 5.2% alcohol volume.

today was international hug-a-vegetarian day. i got some hugs from vegetarians, and gave some hugs as a vegetarian. i tried to hug this guy, but had a pretty epic fail. i'm sure he appreciated the gesture.

i was thinking today, of some words / actions that always make me laugh when i'm feeling down:

sparrows having dirt baths (thanks anna!)
a toddler's expression as he breaks for freedom from his mum and dad and does that crazy when-will-he-topple type run
boggle-eyed anything - fish, cats, pugs...
engrish! it's foolproof i swear!
yogalates  - ahahahahaha....
wagging - not like being a footballer's wife or skipping school, more like a dog... try it! when you're taking life far too seriously - wiggle your hips back and forth on either side, stick your tongue out, grin... well it helps me anyway.

cliched phrases spoken in melodramatic earnest, such as "my head and my heart got together and had a meeting - and i wasn't invited". (hah - that was naughty. but i'm laughing, and that's the main thing right now). that one just kills me every damn time... and reminds me why i'm here, doing what i'm doing, real-proper-no-bollocks solo - to realise more about who i am, and why i am.

and to drink banana beer.

that is all for now.

*

the finer things

pottering about in London central with Steve :) Soaking up some of my other favourite things (aside from bikes and gardening) - food and art!

fancy cafe = fancy sugar

yum! cheers for the breakfast shout hermano!

famous borough markets, still beautiful when empty

just another beautiful pub...

steve apparently basking in debtor prison pub's lighting with his fruli (strawberry beer)

tate modern - they weren't an installation, just cute

*

The last day and a bit have been super lazy - I have a nasty throat infection and it's very grey outside... so I've been playing housewife, watering the garden, washing up and cooking for my lovely hosts. I started feeling unwell after Hong Kong, where everyone was getting about in masks, and I worried that if I mentioned it to staff as they said we should that they would quarantine me!

Starting to suffer from cabin fever now so I will dress up nice tomorrow and explore some old haunts; Hackney, Stoke Newington, Shoreditch etc.

Another really strange 'coincidence' - in my first few hours in London, Caro showed me a bbc clip of two middleaged gay gentlemen and their little daughter having their grocery-shopping habits made over by an expert, who showed them a great cheat's way of making fancy bread. I kept thinking the guy looked familiar... it was Jonathan. They were my ex's uncles and niece. What are the chances..?!

city cycle snaps!

i've noticed that bicycles have exploded onto the streets since I was last on british soil, and it's almost a dutch flavour seeing so many basketed bikes chained up to the railings.

here are some of my favourites from yesterday...

ah...

beautiful 

banana-esque-ness

raleigh shopper

my favourite!

day one - around the 'hood

An early sunday morning tube ride from Heathrow with friendly post-drunken revellers.
Geeking out to the underground familiarity yet newness.
A sleepy lazy morning followed by bike rides to Sainsbury's and the Chinese Grocer, and to the City Farm and nearby markets.
A lot of food was had. A lot of bewildered grins and snapshot taking.

Deen City Farm - the Growing Gardens Project

caroline and andy, peddling about

a very cute marketplace

mmm cider

oui, c'est moi. je suis tres fatigue ici, mais je suis heureuse aussi :)

that night I fell asleep sitting up at 8.30 with my head on the arm of the couch - fast asleep. This has only happened a couple of times in my lifetime - but it felt good to be exhausted!

going going...

“The phoenix hope, can wing her way through the desert skies,
and still defying fortune's spite; revive from ashes and rise.”

~Miguel De Cervantes

at last a decent pack - osprey women's specific - and a real shiny new toy :)

why it takes me so long to move house - dress ups! an old festival costume...

tall man little cat... both given up waiting!

burn my shadow

an image I'm not gonna miss... thanks Auckland, it's been a blast.

Seriously though, there are people I will miss who I've been super blessed to have around. Richard for listening and making me laugh, Louise and Josca for being amazing and patient and feeding me when I wouldn't feed myself, Gilly and Anna for pep talks and coffee dates, my other flatmates and cats for just being around and looking good! Rhonda at work for dealing with my two month 'absence' and Gus for letting me rant. My mum as always but even more so than usual. And Sam for reminding me that men like you do exist!, and choosing to spend those days with me and helping me move on.

This is thoughtless and hurried but my battery is dying... I love you all xoxo

'gold lion's gonna tell me where the light is'

Big Blue's last ride (and Josca's funky helmet, mine was stolen!)

If anyone needs a bike... come get her :)
She has a great womens-specific saddle, mudguards and pannier rack.

Okay, it's nearly two and I fly to the other side of the world tomorrow midday... maybe I should get back to packing (sorry Sam)!