Mmmm. The ibook is warm.
Crystal the old and wise manages to log me out of gmail...
29 Dec 2009
the owl and the pussycat
Mmmm. The ibook is warm.
Crystal the old and wise manages to log me out of gmail...
25 Dec 2009
25/12 again? already?
Blank page. Christmas day.
Missing love, missing hugs.
Breakfast in bed. Kiss on the head.
Family and friends scattered around,
Everywhere but where I'm found.
Again the Brookes' take me under their wings,
And I am grateful for the little things.
No meditation... head feels murky...
Snow, wine, and vegan turkey(!)
What a rough 12 months
Sometimes too much to bear.
I forcefully feel
And would like to share -
Missing love, missing hugs.
Breakfast in bed. Kiss on the head.
Family and friends scattered around,
Everywhere but where I'm found.
Again the Brookes' take me under their wings,
And I am grateful for the little things.
No meditation... head feels murky...
Snow, wine, and vegan turkey(!)
What a rough 12 months
Sometimes too much to bear.
I forcefully feel
And would like to share -
2010 will be a fantastic year!
21 Dec 2009
ending sankara
I attended a ten-day vipassana in Hereford - and survived to tell the tale!
Vipassana (Goenka tradition) is a silence meditation based on fundamental aspects of the Buddha's teachings, observing the breath and awareness of sensations in the body without reacting to them with craving or aversion.
Quietening the mind brings forth many old sankaras (deep lines or scars on the soul) which if we are to observe as above, takes away the power of the emotional pain, and as everything is impermanent not giving them any power eventually dissolves them. (To be fair it is late at night and I may not be retelling this as well as I could be).
It's interesting to note that people tend to leave on the 2nd day - while the respiration technique is still being practised - or the morning of the 5th day, after the actual vipassana is taught. I think the first exodus happens because people's mental resistance tells them the technique is boring or pointless, and they have not yet learned to look at physical pain that occurs while sitting without reacting to it. The second seems to be a running-away-in-terror, as the vipassana technique teaches us to really look within at all our Stuck Stuff. This tends to freak people out who don't want to see that they aren't too mentally stable!
By the fourth day I had given up on trying to be tough and requested a back support, sheepishly admitting that I hadn't put my back problems on the sign-up form because it made me feel like an old nana. So although my back became progressively sore throughout the course it could have been worse, and I noticed that when I had a particularly deep meditation I was able to detach from it completely.
Things went up and down, up and down, more and more rubbish came up - Goenka delicately calls it 'the pus under the wound'. Bringing up the deep-rooted emotional scars that most techniques just skim over. I would spend a whole day feeling like shite about something, with new acceptance or pain coming to me, trying my hardest to remain equanimous and not be frustrated with my progress- and then just one intensely focused meditation would have me soaring with peace and presence.
The vegetarian food was incredible, it was labelled simple but I don't count tofu, cheese and hommus as basic food! Missing dinners didn't matter as much as I had anticipated, and I discovered Barleycup. Mmmm.
The one time that waking at 4am proved to be an issue was after helping my wonderful, brave roommate through some nasty anxiety and literal spewing forth of messy childhood memories. We went to bed damn late but with her feeling much better!
On the tenth day, after silence was broken, it was beautiful to watch the couples meeting up as the barriers between the men's and women's quarters were taken down. Seeing them share their experiences and appreciating each other after time apart was so precious.
I've already decided to take another course in Spring, and I plan to volunteer in the kitchen as well.
Maybe I can even convince Jane to come back with me, and we'll do Noble Silence properly this time ; )
Vipassana (Goenka tradition) is a silence meditation based on fundamental aspects of the Buddha's teachings, observing the breath and awareness of sensations in the body without reacting to them with craving or aversion.
Quietening the mind brings forth many old sankaras (deep lines or scars on the soul) which if we are to observe as above, takes away the power of the emotional pain, and as everything is impermanent not giving them any power eventually dissolves them. (To be fair it is late at night and I may not be retelling this as well as I could be).
It's interesting to note that people tend to leave on the 2nd day - while the respiration technique is still being practised - or the morning of the 5th day, after the actual vipassana is taught. I think the first exodus happens because people's mental resistance tells them the technique is boring or pointless, and they have not yet learned to look at physical pain that occurs while sitting without reacting to it. The second seems to be a running-away-in-terror, as the vipassana technique teaches us to really look within at all our Stuck Stuff. This tends to freak people out who don't want to see that they aren't too mentally stable!
By the fourth day I had given up on trying to be tough and requested a back support, sheepishly admitting that I hadn't put my back problems on the sign-up form because it made me feel like an old nana. So although my back became progressively sore throughout the course it could have been worse, and I noticed that when I had a particularly deep meditation I was able to detach from it completely.
Things went up and down, up and down, more and more rubbish came up - Goenka delicately calls it 'the pus under the wound'. Bringing up the deep-rooted emotional scars that most techniques just skim over. I would spend a whole day feeling like shite about something, with new acceptance or pain coming to me, trying my hardest to remain equanimous and not be frustrated with my progress- and then just one intensely focused meditation would have me soaring with peace and presence.
The vegetarian food was incredible, it was labelled simple but I don't count tofu, cheese and hommus as basic food! Missing dinners didn't matter as much as I had anticipated, and I discovered Barleycup. Mmmm.
The one time that waking at 4am proved to be an issue was after helping my wonderful, brave roommate through some nasty anxiety and literal spewing forth of messy childhood memories. We went to bed damn late but with her feeling much better!
On the tenth day, after silence was broken, it was beautiful to watch the couples meeting up as the barriers between the men's and women's quarters were taken down. Seeing them share their experiences and appreciating each other after time apart was so precious.
I've already decided to take another course in Spring, and I plan to volunteer in the kitchen as well.
Maybe I can even convince Jane to come back with me, and we'll do Noble Silence properly this time ; )
19 Dec 2009
softly, softly
My little room (my private temple of solitude!) at Vlierhof, with a view of the yurts, the herb garden and the sheep.
7 Dec 2009
Chapter Two...
I leave Vlierhof tomorrow... I have lived here 2 months already!
I have never achieved so much or felt so free.
Tomorrow I take a night bus from Amstel station in Amsterdam to London, where I will have brunch with Steve and catch a tube to Stepney Green for my rideshare to vipassana!
2 more sleeps until vipassana! (I'll let you know if I survive.)
Sunshine!
Yoga!
Pranayama!
Life is good.
I have never achieved so much or felt so free.
Tomorrow I take a night bus from Amstel station in Amsterdam to London, where I will have brunch with Steve and catch a tube to Stepney Green for my rideshare to vipassana!
2 more sleeps until vipassana! (I'll let you know if I survive.)
Sunshine!
Yoga!
Pranayama!
Life is good.
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